GUEST WRITER
By GABRIEL GOWOK
Every year, on February 14, the world bursts into red and pink—flowers are exchanged, chocolates gifted, romantic dinners planned and social media overflows with messages of love. Saint Valentine’s Day is widely celebrated as a day of romance and affection. But beyond the roses and hashtags, an important question often goes unasked: What is love, really? Is it simply a celebration of passion and gifts, or is there a deeper truth to love that we often overlook?
Valentine’s Day is named after Saint Valentine, a Catholic priest from third-century Rome who defied Emperor Claudius II’s ban on marriage for young men. Believing unmarried soldiers fought better, Claudius outlawed marriages. But St. Valentine secretly married couples, risking his life for love. He was imprisoned and executed on February 14, becoming a symbol of sacrifice and committed love.
Before this, Romans celebrated Lupercalia, a mid-February festival centred on fertility and pairing rituals. The Christian Church replaced this with Valentine’s Day, aiming to give the celebration a moral and spiritual meaning, though over the centuries it has shifted towards commercialism and romance.
Understanding love: The four Greek types
The word ‘love’ reveals the poverty of the English language. Unlike Greek, English uses the single word love to express many emotions: I love God, I love my dog, and so on. One reason love is so complex is that it has many faces. The ancient Greeks identified four types of love:
Eros: Passionate, romantic love—the physical attraction that Valentine’s Day often highlights. It is intense but can be fleeting.
Philia: The love of deep friendship, built on trust and loyalty.
Storge: Familial love—the natural affection between family members.
Agape: Unconditional, selfless love, which seeks the good of others without expecting anything in return. This is the highest form of love.
While modern Valentine’s celebrations tend to emphasise Eros, lasting and true love incorporates all these dimensions, especially Agape.
Common myths about love
Myth 1: Love Is Only About Romance and Gifts
It is a common belief that Valentine’s Day is only meaningful if you have a romantic partner or receive flowers and chocolates. But love is much broader. Love can be found in family bonds, friendships and how we care for ourselves. The Bible reminds us in 1 Corinthians 13 that love is patient and kind, and it always protects and perseveres. True love is not limited to grand romantic gestures—it is reflected in everyday acts of care, kindness and support.
Myth 2: True Love Means No Problems or Conflict
Movies and popular culture often portray love as perfect and effortless. But real love involves challenges and growth. The initial excitement of passion—Eros—can fade, but love built on friendship (Philia) and selfless commitment (Agape) endures. Love is not the absence of problems but the willingness to face difficulties together with respect and communication.
Pope John Paul II, in his Theology of the Body, teaches that love is a free, total self-gift, not a mere feeling or physical desire. He warns that the opposite of love is not hate but the use of another person.
Myth 3: Valentine’s Day Determines How Much You’re Loved
It is easy to feel hurt or unloved if Valentine’s Day does not meet expectations. But one day cannot measure the depth of love. Consistent daily acts of honesty, loyalty and care matter far more than a single celebration. Love is a continuous choice, not a once-a-year event.
Myth 4: Being Single Means You’re Incomplete or Failing
Society often pressures singles to feel incomplete or to “fix” their relationship status. Yet singleness is a valid and important season for growth, self-discovery and purpose. The Bible acknowledges that there is “a time for everything” (Ecclesiastes 3:1), including a time to love oneself and focus on personal development.
Myth 5: Love Means Sacrificing Your Happiness or Enduring Pain
Some believe that love requires enduring disrespect, emotional pain or losing oneself. However, healthy love promotes peace, self-worth and emotional safety. A relationship that consistently causes pain or fear is not love—it is imbalance.
Myth 6: A Man Will Change His Bad Ways After Marriage
This is a widespread and harmful myth. Many enter marriage hoping their partner, especially men, will change once married. The truth is, marriage reveals who we truly are—it does not magically transform bad character overnight. Growth and maturity must come before marriage to build a healthy, lasting relationship.
Biblical truths, the call to purity
The Bible offers profound and timeless wisdom about love. In 1 Corinthians 13:4–7, love is described as patient, kind, humble and enduring. Love protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres—it is not self-seeking or easily angered. This love is a deliberate choice and commitment.
Hebrews 13:4 urges us to honour marriage and keep the marriage bed pure, emphasising the sacredness of love and intimacy within marriage.
Singles often face societal pressure to prove love through sexual intimacy, especially around Valentine’s Day. But choosing to remain sexually pure is an act of respect for oneself and one’s future partner. Sex is more than physical. It creates deep emotional and spiritual bonds. When these bonds form outside of marriage, they can lead to confusion, regret and emotional pain.
Singles are encouraged to make a covenant with themselves to stay sexually pure until marriage. This is a powerful act of self-love and faith, laying a strong foundation for healthy future relationships.
As Pope John Paul II said:
“Freedom exists for the sake of love.”
Self-control is not repression—it is choosing love that lasts.
Marriage does not “fix” personal flaws or change a partner magically. It reveals character. Personal growth and maturity are essential before marriage for a relationship to thrive.
True love respects freedom. It gives space to grow and honours the dignity of the other. Jealousy, control or manipulation signal that love is absent or unhealthy.
Final reflection
As we celebrate Valentine’s Day, it is important to reflect deeply on what love truly means. Love is not just flowers, chocolates or a romantic evening. True love is patient, kind, respectful and committed. It honours the whole person—heart, soul and body.
Whether single or in a relationship, Valentine’s Day can remind us to choose love wisely and live it authentically every day.
Valentine fades, but truth-based love endures.
Rev. Fr. Gowok is a Lecturer in the Department of Mass Communication, University of Jos, Nigeria